'THIS AIN'T A MOVIE DOGG' JIGGA MAN PRODUCTIONS

PRESENTS

RE-INACTED STARING EMINEM AND MONDO X

EMINEM & MONDO X

2:12AM EARLY SUNDAY MORNING, APRIL 4: TIJUANA MEXICO

CLUB MONDO SPORTS PRESENTS

"YOU THE UGLIEST MOTHA FUCKA IN SPORTS"

TOURNAMENT

THIS WEEK FEATURING NBA PLAYERS

THE NBA HAS GOTMARCH MADNESS!!!

NOW MEET THE FOUR FINAL CONTESTANTS:

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FINALS

LODI, CALIFORNIA

DEFEATED TURKOGLU (#7)& PIPPEN(#6)& DIRK NOWITZKI AND STEVE NASH (#4)

#3 SEED:  SAM CASSELL OF THE MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES

VS.

DEFEATED MILLER (#2)& JOHNSON (#6)&MUTOMBO(#1)

#3 SEED:  WANG ZHIZHI OF THE LOS ANGELES CLIPPERS

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FILL OUT YOUR TOURNAMENT BRACKET PICKS BY CLICKING ON THE ADD COMMENTS LINK BELLOW

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EMINEM RAISES QUESTION OF CLUB OWNER'S IDENTITY

SACRAMENTO, CA:  REPORTS THIS AFTERNOON OUT OF THE V.I.P. ROOM OF CLUB MONDO SACRAMENTO HAVE SURFACED ABOUT A QUESTION TOWARDS MONDO X TRUE IDENTITY?  EMINEM POINTED OUT THAT MONDO X ALSO MEERS A STICKING RESEMBELENCE TO OLEG TASKTAROV OF SUCH BLOCKBUSTER'S AS "15 MINUTES" STARING ROBERT DE NIRO AND "BAD BOYS II."  X'S ORIGINAL IDENTITY HAS BEEN ASSUMED TO BE SEBASHTIN JANIKOWSKI, A DRUG TROUBLED TALENTED KICKER FOR THE OAKLAND RAIDERS.  WITH THE IDENTITY IN QUESTION IT SEEMS TO BE TIME FOR CLUB MONDO PATRONS TO MAKE THE CALL.

story by Club Mondo beatwriter:  Sleepy Brown

OLEG TAKTAROV THE RUSSIAN DUDE FROM BAD BOYS II & 15 MINUTES

VS.

SABASHTIN JANIKOWSKI THE GHB ADDICTED KICER OF THE OAKLAND RAIDERS

WHO DOES CLUB MONDO X REALLY LOOK MORE LIKE???

VOTE BELLOW IN THE ADD COMMENTS BOX

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THE CLUB MONDO QUESTION OF THE WEEK...

WITH NO REAL ANSWER...???

WE ALL KNOW THAT DADDY LONG LEGS ARE THE MOST VENOMOUS SPIDERS IN THE WORLD, THEY JUST DO NOT HAVE A WAY FOR THEIR VENOM TO PENETRATE SKIN...IN A HUMAN BEINGS REFERENCE SENSE.  SO...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU HAD A OPEN WOUND , A CUT   MAYBE...LET'S SAY ON YOUR FINGER ..........................................................................................

AND YOU CRUSH THE DADDY LONG LEGSIN YOUR HAND...FULL WELL KNOWING THEY ARE THE MOST VENOMOUS SPIDER IN THE WORLD.................................................................................................

WOULD THE VENOM THEN PENETRATE THROUGH THE                            CUT ON YOUR FINGER , AND LEAD TO A RAPID DEATH ?

IF SO, WHY WEREN'T MORE PEOPLE KILLED THIS WAY ALREADY?

WHERE WAS THIS FOR O.J.'S DEFENSE ???

-MONDO X  IN COLABORATION WITH BARBERSHOP  AND EMINEM

CLICK ON THE ADD COMMENTS LINK DIRECTLY BELOW TO COMMENT ON THIS QUESTION

THE CHARTS:  CLUB MONDO'S TOP 7 SONGS THIS WEEK, HERE'S WHAT'S PLAYING IN CLUB MEZZII

KANYE STAYS AT #1, DOMINATES WTH TOP THREE SONGS

7.  MY BAND, D12

6.  IF I AIN'T GOT YOU, ALICIA KEYS

5.  SHE WANTS TO MOVE, N.E.R.D.

4.  MY FIRST SONG, JAY Z

3.    JESUS WALKS, KANYE WEST

2.  DIALATED PEOPLES, THIS WAY

1.  ALL FALLS DOWN, KANYE WEST

WANKSTA OF THE WEEK:  SEAN PAUL (RECORD 81 STRAIGHT WEEKS, JA RULE OWNED THE SPOT FOR 32 WEEKS PRIOR)

         LOOK YOU FAKE FUCK, YOU ARE NOT JAMACAN.  I HAVE HEARD YOU TALK IN INTERVIEWS AND YOU SLIP UP SOMETIMES AND START TALKIN STREET...PLEASE.....BEFORE YOU STARTED RAPPIN I ASKED MYSELF ONLY ONE QUESTION ABOUT THE RAP GAME...WHEN THE HELL DID R.KELLY BECOME A GANGSTA?  BUT NOW YOUR GOOFY CHAPED ASS JUST GAVE ME THREE QUESTIONS!  SECOND QUESTION...WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING WHEN YOU RAP, OR SPEAK FOR THAT MATTER...I CAN UNDERSTAND LIL KIM BETTER WITH A FULL MOUTH AFTER A BAD BOY PARTY BEFORE I CAN EVEN INTERPRET A WORD OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!  AND THIRDLY WHY THE HELL ARE YOU EVEN FAMOUS.  WHY DO I HAVE TO BOYCOT MTV BECAUSE ALL THEY SHOW IS YOUR MILLI VANILLI FAKE ASS IN EVERY VIDEO I SEE!  THAT'S ALL I GOT FOR YA THIS WEEK...DON'T WORRY IN THE NEXT SEVEN DAYS YOU WILL DO SOMETHING TO PISS ME OFF ENOUGH TO WRITE ABOUT FOR YOUR WANKSTA OF THE WEEK HONORS OF NEXT WEEK.  ALRIGHT BITCH, THANKS..AND KEEP IT WANKSTA.

 -MONDO X

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             EMINEM AND MONDO X BATTLE TO EXHAUSTION

                      AT FIRST EVER CLUB MONDO LIFT OFF

             VS.

                            EMINEM                                   MONDO X

SACRAMENO, CA:  A WILD WEDNESDAY MORNING GOT EVEN CRAZIER IN THE CLUB MONDO V.I.P. ROOM AT APPROXIMATELY 4:00AM PACIFIC STANDARD TIME LAST WEDNESDAY.  FOLLOWING A COMEBACK VICTORY AGAINST EMINEM PREVIOUSLY IN THE NIGHT ON A SEQUENCE OF THREE MONDO X JUMPERS (EVENTIALY PROVING TO BE THE GAME WINNING JUMPER OF THE 2:00AM DRUNK BASKETBALL MATCH) THE CLUB OWNER BECAME INTISED IN A LIFT OFF BY CLUB STAFF MEMBER EMINEM.  EMINEM, FULLED BY THE DETROIT ANTHEMS AND 8MILE SOUNDTRACK BEING PLAYED AT THE TIME, SWIFTLY KICKED OUT 32 RIGHT BICEP CURLS WITH 35 POUNDS OF WEIGHT BEFORE QUITING CITING STIFNESS IN HIS RIGHT BICEP.  MONDO X GLADLY FINNISHED THE FINAL CURL AND WON THE COMPETITION TO REMAIN LIFT OFF CHAMP.  "I THINK IF I WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN DRUNK AND IF I HAD ACTUALLY WORKED OUT I WOULD HAVE WON....OH YEAAAH,"  EMINEM SAID DIRECTLY FOLLOWING THE EVENT IN THE DEL TACO DRIVETHROUGH.   MONDO X LEFT VERY IMPRESSED WITH THE DETROIT RAP STAR'S PERFORMANCE.  "THE GHB BEGAN TO WEIGH ON ME AT AROUND CURL 19, BUT I JUST FOUGHT THROUGH IT...OHHH AND THAT WAS BECAUSE OF THE SPEEDBALL THAT I SNORTED WITH MY OLD TEEMATE D-RUSS (LATER CONFIRMED TO BE TAMPA BAY BUCS DEFENSIVE TACKLE DARRELL RUSSELL) TWO MINUTES BEFORE.  MAN WERE THE ENDORPHINS GOING,"  SAID JANIKOWSKI/ MONDO X WHILE SEATED NEXT TO EMINEM IN THE DEL TACO DRIVETHROUGH.  "THAT KID IS STRONG," THE CLUB OWNER ADDED.  MONDO X WILL LIKELY TAKE A WEEK OFF ONLY TO COMEBACK FOR ANOTHER MATCH NEXT WEEK. 

IN THE UNDERCARD:

THE UNDERCARD MATCH FEATURED MATT SISTO VS. DANNY SULLIVAN HOWEVER, A DRAW WAS DECLARED AFTER SEVEN CONSECITIVE POORLY EXECUTED CURLS.  THE MATCH WAS STOPPED AT 22  CURLS, JUST SHORT OF MR. PEEPERS PERSONAL BEST OF 24.

              BUDDY HOLLY SLOW OFF THE LINE, LOSES TO              

              CHUUUCH IN CLUB MONDO D-LINE VS O-LINE

                                           CHALLANGE 

CLUB MONDO SHOWCASES TOP 21 SPORTS CALLS, TOP 10 TO BE ANNOUNCED SOON

ROBERT HORRY & WILL SMITH                  GEORGE KARL & JOHN LITHGOW         DIRK NOWITZKI & BARRY PEPPERS

RAY LEWIS & AARON NEVILE               QUIN SNYDER & ANDREW MCCARTHY         BRET FAVRE & GEOFF JENKINS

LARRY BROWN & NORMAN FELL                  VLADE DIVAC & JEAN RENO             BILL PARCELS & COLIN MONTGOMERY

DAN PATRICK & KINGSFORD CHARCOAL GUY  MIKE DUNLEAVY SR. & ED LAUTER   KIRK REUTER & WOODY FROM TOY STORY

JEFF KENT & BRAWNY PAPERTOWL GUY          JOHN GRUDEN & CHUCKY            CHRIS WENKIE & LARRY HAGMAN

BO OUTLAW & BOYD TINSLEY          LAWERENCE FRANK & DOOKIE HOWSER M.D.    RYAN KLESKO & SEAN ASTIN

STEVE LOGAN & DMX                               GRANT WISTROM & DONALD GIBB           ROB NENN & ADAM COROLLA

VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITES IN THE CLUB MONDO GUESTBOOK!

CLUB MONDO RELEASES FIRST JAY Z GREATEST HITS COMPELATION, WITH A COUNTDOWN TWIST

MONDO X RECENTLY CREATED THE VERY FIRST JAY-Z COMPELATION OF GREATEST HITS THAT THE BEST LIVING RAPPER CREATED OVER HIS ILLUSTRIOUS CAREER.  YOU CAN BUY THE C.D. DURING NORMAL HOURS (24HRS A DAY 7 DAYS A WEEK) AT THE CLUB MONDO GIFT SHOP.  HERE IS THE LIST AS CREATED BY MONDO.  TO DEBATE OR QUESTION ANY OF THE CALLS SIGN THE CLUB GUESTBOOK AND MONDO X WILL RESPOND TO ALL INQUIRYS OR STATEMENTS.  HERE IS HIS TOP 18.  (ON THE CD SONGS ARE COUNTEDOWN FROM #18-#1)

18. CAN'T KNOCK THE HUSTLE FEATURING MARY J. BLIGE, REASONABLE DOUBT

17. CHANGE CLOTHES FEATURING PHERELL, BLACK ALBULM

16. AIN'T NO NIGGA (LIKE THE ONE I GOT), REASONABLE DOUBT

15. MOMENT OF CLARITY, BLACK ALBULM

14. EXECUSE ME MISS, BLUEPRINT 2: THE GIFT AND THE CURSE

13. DIRT OFF YOUR SHOULDER, BLACK ALBULM

12. NIGGA WHAT, NIGGA WHO, VOLUME 2

11. ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND FEATURING BEYONCE, BLUEPRINT 2: THE GIFT AND THE CURSE

10. H TO THE IZZO, BLUEPRINT

  9. THE CITY IS MINE, VOLUME 1

8. TAKEOVER (NAS DISS), BLUEPRINT

7. MONEY AIN'T A THANG FEATURING JERMAINE DUPRI, VOLUME 2

6. I JUST WANNA LOVE YOU FEATURING PHARELL, ROC LA FAMILIA

5. HEART OF THE CITY, BLUEPRINT

4.  HARD KNOCK LIFE, VOLUME 2

  3. BIG PIMPIN, VOLUME 3

2. CAN I GET A FUCK YOU, VOLUME 2

1. GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS, BLUEPRINT

LIST DEVELOPED BY MONDO X

MEET THE CLUB MONDO STAFF

   CLUB OWNER:

                    MONDO X A.K.A. DAMON DASH

CO-OWNER & ENTRAPANEUR:

                      KEVIN A.K.A CHUUUCH

CLUB MENTOR AND ADVISOR:

                       GEBRO A.K.A. FLUTIE

DIRECTOR OF HOES & RELATIONS:

                       CODY A.K.A. CUCCHI 

ORGANIZATION & INFORMATION SPECIALIST/ CONCERNED CITIZENS LEADER:

                         CURTIS GRIMA A.K.A. DATE ATTELL

EVENT COORDINATOR & DANCE FLOOR CLEAN-UP:

                     DANNY SULLIVAN A.K.A. 4 SURE

SUNSHINE PARTY COORDINATOR & EROTIC ENTERTAINMENT PROVIDER

                       LINDSEY A.K.A. SUNSHINE

AFFIRMATIVE ACTION COORDINATOR:

                       JOSH A.K.A. EDDIE MURPHY/JA RULE

MUSIC, LIGHTING, & MOOD SET SPECIALIST:

                     ERIC A.K.A. CHARLIE MURPHY/DESMOND HOWARD

TOWELS & GATORADE BUCKET COORDINATOR:

                    JEFF A.K.A. SINATRA DIETRICH

PUBLIC RELATIONS DIRECTOR:

                         JON A.K.A. T-1000

24 HOUR HARDNESS CONTROL & MONITORING:

                         MIKE A.K.A. SIX DEUCE/ MACK 10

V.I.P. ROOM PIMPIN & SLAPPIN HOES MANAGER:

                       JOHN A.K.A. PENNY

"YOU'RE OUT OF CONTROL...STOP IT" MONITOR:

                            ALEX A.K.A. C.T.

TREES & GRASS MONITOR/ OAKMONT LINGUIST:

                           A.J. AKA. FITZ

SIGMA COORDINATOR AND BEER RUN COORDINATOR:

                             STEVE A.K.A. SIGMA STEVE 

 AUTOMATED RESPONSE SPECIALIST & INVENTOR OF YEAAAH MAN.":

                         ERIC A.K.A. RIC ARTHUR (NERVOUS SCRATCH, NERVOUS SCRATCH)           

PIT CREW CHIEF & PMIPIN HOE'S ASSISTANT DIRECTOR

                            JASON A.K.A. DALE JR.

ASSISTANT AFIRMATIVE ACTION DIRECTIOR AS APPOINTED BY EDDIE MURPHY

                           BLACK ZACH A.KA. THE REAL FREEWAY

PRESIDENT OF CONSERVATIVE AFFAIRS & SINGING SENATORS

                          JEFF SCHNEB AK.A BLAKE STEPP

OFF-SITE PARTY CORDINATOR & PARKING LOT URINATION SPECIALIST

                          D.K. A.K.A. LOU DIAMOND PHILLIPS

SECRET LEADER OF CLOCKWISE FAN CLUB & CLOCKWISE BACKUP VOCALS:

                           D.C. A.K.A. BOB (RITCHIE VALENS BROTHER, LA BAMBA)

COSMETICS CORDINATOR & SEXUAL EDUCATION INSTRUCTOR:

                          MARK A.K.A. EUGNE LEVY (JIM'S DAD, AMERICAN PIE)

CLUB MONDO OFFICIAL BARBER & DIRECTOR OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS

                          EMIR A.K.A. BARBERSHOP

TREES COORDINATOR OF CLUB MONDO DETROIT:

                              RYAN A.K.A. EMINEM

NICOTINE INVENTORY DIRECTOR & ASSISTANT DIRECTOR OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS:

                              DJIBRIL A.K.A. HAKEEM OLAJUWON 

DESIGNATED DRIVER & CLUB MONDO VIEDO GAMES REVIEWS:

                              DANNY I. A.K.A. ERIC ESTRADA

FAIRLAKE OFF SITE PARTY COORDINATOR & OVERSIZED HIENEKEN BEER BOTTLE HOLDER:

                              TIM A.K.A. WILL FERRELL

SIGMA TREES COORDINATOR & ESCORT SERVICE DIRECTOR:

                             ANDREW A.K.A. BUDDY HOLLY

ASSISTANT TO BOB VALENES IN VIDEO GAMES REVIEWS:

                             A-ROD A.K.A. ROBERT "SUITCASE" SEEDS

CLUB MONDO VACINATION, HUNGER, AND GENOCIDE HIGH ALERT CORDINATOR:

                             LINSAY A.K.A. ANNE FRANK (CURTIS'S GIRLFRIEND)